umji | Recent Entries

i wrote in the a/n of the abyss below that it was a distinctly seothsayers fic. and it is. if i am anything, i am an ocean fucker, a deep sea fucker, and a monster fucker, specifically the unknowable ones. it is my personal brand(™) and when i was going back and forth over what sort of story i wanted to write next for minchan bingo, it just ended up in my hands.

it’s not entirely surprising. if you look at my fic history for the past few years - death and monsters are pretty prominent. i have a little bit of a fixation, if you will. if you’re into nct, my hyuckil fic DEVOUR/DIVINE is probably the most aligned to the abyss below, but there is also the dohyuck call of the earth, and my skz fics from last year starlight and my heart in your hands.

the whole point of this post is that i am constantly seeking out media that fits this little niche. i hit the jackpot recently, falling down an itch.io hole and finding a bunch of solo rpg games that are in the same vein. i just wanted to make a list of things i got inspo from, and things i plan to enjoy in the future.

books:

- deeplight by frances hardinge: if you take away one piece of media from this list, let it be this. one of my fav books of all time, so much incredible worldbuilding. sea gods galore. perfect <3

- into the drowning deep by mira grant: killer mermaids. enough said

- our wives under the sea by julia armfield: sapphic literary fiction. horror, but sad horror. existential horror. i cried a little bit

to read: the fisherman by john langan, weird fishes by rae mariz, the devil and the deep anthology ed. by ellen datlow, from below by darcy coates. anything lovecraft is also obvious

video games:

- dredge: newly released and perfect timing baby! a great little game. not too heavy on the cosmic horror, but enough to make you unsettled when you’re going fast af across the ocean at night so you don’t get [redacted]

- sunless sea: i have played like five mins of this. need to continue. will do one day

- subnautica: also fits this category.. i doubt i will ever play it but love the glimpses of the giant leviathans i’ve seen from playthroughs

ttrpgs:

- dredge: https://scyllallycs.itch.io/dredge

neat little game which has lightly spooky vibes, at least in my first play through. will definitely be going again to see if i can up the horror since i escaped the mysterious lake relatively unscathed

- lighthouse at the end of the world: https://bannerlessgames.itch.io/lighthouse

more ghostly than cosmic horror. yet to play but looking forward to it!!

- the crushing dark: https://byemberandash.itch.io/the-crushing-dark

also not yet played but will be soon. basically the submarine scene. something about that slow descent into the void am i right or am i right

this tiktok https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMY7XKhhJ/ and also this youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/@NaturalWorldFacts

if you have any recs i would love to hear them <3 i’m not really a film or tv person but would love to see some recs for those! ik there’s a europa alien film which i was going to try and watch at some point whilst writing for inspo but like i said. i’m not a film or tv person haha

ok. this is the end. if u saw it before i fixed the formatting, no you didn't. also sorry for the links i'm too lazy to embed properly it's time for me to go to bed

in the spirit of unwrapped (or replay. i am an apple music user unfortunately) i thought i would do a little nanowrimo breakdown of what my experience was like for the past month

to start: i have been doing nanowrimo on and off for about a decade. this is the fourth time i’ve won (prev most recent win was 2019, but i did compete in 2020 and stopped at 40k).

this year i decided to write two different projects. i’ve found when i’m doing original writing, it’s a lot easier for me to ramble and hit the 50k, but i don’t really want those unnecessary scenes for fic. more than that, i’ve consistently been writing ~20k this year so i knew aiming for two ~25k was reasonable!

i had major ups and downs while writing this year. i was so excited to get started that when i did i struggled my way through. i managed to stay ahead consistently for the first 10 days, but i think that’s just because those parts of my plan were more concrete. i didn’t write on day 10, and then after that my word count was all over the place. i was pretty much a day behind until day 29 LOL. funnily enough i found it easier to write once i had fallen behind. it was like the pressure eased up.

my two projects this year actually turned into a handful of projects lol. as i said, i really struggled to get started for some reason, so here i’ll just focus on the significant ones.

🐉 aka minbin dragon fic. if anyone knows me i am a dragon girl through and through. i was literally thinking this summer about how i’ve written a dragon fic for literally every fandom i’ve written for so far, so skz needs one too! definitely incredibly self indulgent. i used my rarepair bingo card for this, namely bodyguard + inspired by other media. this is the fic i virtually finished. there are a few scenes which need wrapping up but other than that, it’s done! totals around 23k rn.

🥀 aka seungin angst au. i don’t really know how to talk about this one without spoiling it majorly. but it’s still fantasy, that’s almost a given at this point. squares are seascape and secrets. i’m at 15k with it rn, but i think it’ll probably hit around 20k when i’m finished with it.

it was a little slower writing this one, because there was a heavier element to it. i think that’s part of the reason i wrote other stuff instead. i’m really happy with how it’s progressed so far though considering the lack of plan i had compared to my minbin fic

then there is ruby red aka minchan bingo fic! i wrote this in 2 days straight lol. i remembered i had barely looked at my minchan bingo card since i got it and was really drawn to the partners in crime square. it ended up being something i really enjoyed writing! totals in at just over 6k. it was a nice break from my other fics, and i found it easier to go back to them afterwards.

if you’re doing maths, you’ll know that doesn’t total 50k. the rest of the stuff i worked on were a potential ggroup fic, another potentional rarepair bingo fic (which, depending on how long it takes me to finish up with these two, i’m hoping to get written by the deadline at the end of the month) and a potential sequel to another fic i wrote this year.

something else i did whilst writing was try and add every wordle word for nov into my wips. fjdjsjs. i actually was pretty successful.. there are only two i ruled out including: 1) axiom, bc i literally have never used that word in my entire life, 2) valet, bc my wips were fantasy but looking back, i’m going to count it as included bc 3racha are implied stealing cars at a fancy event and so pretending to be valet drivers is kinda a given… i still have about 10 other words i’m going to try and squeeze in so that's my post-nov goal

planning to take a brief break now: very slowly will edit the minbin, and then replan what i need to for the last of the seungin. whether that other rarepair fic will get written is a mystery yet to be solved - i kinda hope so though. i’m excited about it. if i don’t finish in time, i’ll probably still write it anyway.

i dropped out of emo fic fest this round. i didn't want to since i was writing ggroup fic and 1) ggroup fic is sparse(r) 2) i had been working on and off this wip for literally probably six months, but i did. i was debating about whether to make this post after reveals and just share some extracts bc there are a few things in there i wanted to share, but then i didn't, but now i am! i picked paramore's adore for my song, 1) bc i wanted something different 2) i rarely relisten to the unreleased/non-album songs bc they're not on streaming services so it gave me a chance to loop them all. it also meant my fic was heavily romcom based which is my Point Of Contention because i struggle with romance if there is no Other point of conflict (e.g. actual conflict like fights, or something 'different' like a paranormal/supernatural scenario which also lends to conflict). it's good to push out of your writing comfort zone though so i figured i would try! i reworked a 4k wip i had abandoned around feb, and it ended up around 8k (almost 9k!! i just checked) when i abandoned it again. it was ryuryeong (obviously). post-uni meet-cute, adult lesbian struggles when you're afraid of dating bc you haven't had real commitment/are trying to juggle other elements of adult life. here are just a few bits from the vault

They have never met, not officially anyway, but Chaeryeong recognises her from pictures. “Donghyuck’s friend, right?”
“Does my reputation precede me?” Ryujin asks. “I would ask what he has been saying about me, but I’m not actually sure I want to know.”
“Nothing bad, I promise,” Chaeryeong laughs. She tucks her hair behind her ear and Ryujin’s eyes follow the movement. “Jaemin says Donghyuck is mad that you’re funnier than him. They never told me you were so pretty though.”

chaeryeong flirt!!!!! you go girl

“You’re back early,” Minho says when she gets home. He’s in the kitchen, rummaging around in the cupboards. He re-emerges with a handful of cereal and sticks it in his mouth. Eyes wide and cheeks full, Chaeryeong wonders sometimes how she ever thought he was intimidating. “I guess they don’t party like they used to back in my day.”

as i have entered my skz era, i have also entered my sprinkling skz members in fics as background characters era. minho and chaeryeong are living together (minho looking for someone to rent with, chaeryeong post grad has no friends locally since they all moved away and they were on the dance team together so she figures its her best option). i rlly love these two together.. my jyp 2pick, dance line <3 there is also minchan in this... are we surprised? not really

“Chaeryeong! Come and join us.” Ryujin pats the space on the sofa beside her. “We’re swiping on Yuna’s Tinder for her.”
“Oh?” Chaeryeong looks around but Yuna is nowhere to be seen. She stumbles as she drops down onto the sofa and the girl on the other side of Ryujin laughs quietly.
“I’m Jimin,” she says, leaning around Ryujin to smile at Chaeryeong, and maybe she’s drunk, but Chaeryeong is convinced that for just a minute the world stops. Jaemin would laugh if he saw her. Tell her to close her mouth and stop staring. You’re a mess! he would tell her, and Chaeryeong can’t help but agree.
“Hi. Chaeryeong.” She points at herself.
“I know,” Jimin says, with another laugh and again, drunk, but Chaeryeong thinks that maybe love at first sight is real.

so much to unpack in this paragraph... the fun in drunken tinder swiping, yuna being like yeah cool, karina appearance, chaeryeong loving women... i posted this excerpt back in like feb/march, i kept it from the original fic and honestly it was the driving reason behind making this post. i have been thinking lately about ryuryeong/karina fic (how can you not after ryujin's "i call jimin unnie and chaeryeong jagi"??) but i wouldn't know where to begin.. ot3 fics are so hard, i've written a few but worry they get repetitive. i do want to write more messy lesbians though. me projecting on the life i could lead if i was in a big city and not bumfuck nowhere

At some point they are joined by another girl, Minjeong. Chaeryeong recognises her from a few classes. She sits on Jimin’s free side and watches quietly, interrupting every so often to point out major red flags the rest of them (drunkenly) missed. “No fish men,” she says, reaching over to point accusingly at a guy posing on a boat, and Chaeryeong laughs so hard her drink almost comes out of her nose.

no expansion needed

Chaeryeong saves Ryujin’s number. She heads home, squished in between Jeno and Jisung in the back of Jaemin’s car. It’s not until way later that night that she texts Ryujin. Minho had gone out for celebratory drinks with Chan now that they were official and he is just as drunk as Chaeryeong when he arrives home. They stay up, eat Minho’s cold takeout leftovers on the kitchen floor and then stumble to bed with a promise to get brunch in the morning.

just a couple of besties!!!! this is all i'm going to share.. after this point it gets into dating and internal stresses and the whole reason i abandoned it is because i was worried it was just too.. samey. like the same internal battle over and over, and i was struggling to get through it. i do think it wouldn't matter too much - really, it's probably all in my head and also it fits the song - but i just wasn't feeling like i could give it 100% anymore, which is a shame, because i do like what i've written anyways. the end! wondering whether i should count this towards my nano goal since i haven't written in two days and i am not beyond cheating

hiiiiiiiiiii back for my yearly post bc i have been thinking a lot about my recent fic and have also been listening to the magnus archives again and wanted to talk about horror and thoughts and stuff :)

so. maybe a little back ground? MBYB was inspired bc i wanted to write something murdery, i had a brief hannigram moment where i was considering rewatching the series (i started when it first came out but couldn't really stomach it) but in the end i didn't and just channeled the vibes into writing instead lol. i listened to s1-4 of TMA in 2019, with the 5th series coming out like april? 2020, but we all know what happened then and i am if nothing good at abandoning tv/film series/anything halfway through so i didn't think about listening to the final series until recently and i didn't want to dive right in without going back and refreshing myself on all the prior events. and good job too! i forgot how much:

i enjoyed the series
how much info i had forgotten and context i would have needed
i would have missed out on having my little TMA moment five years behind everyone else LOL

so, what does this have to do with minchan...

i am only season 2 of my relisten so there are still many things to go, but i'm slowly remembering as jon learns more the Big Bads and what that all entails. i was thinking this morning about MBYB and where the cult would fall in TMA world and just thought i would share lol

so. the cult. i actually got inspired to write a cult when i was reading through one of my medieval non-fic books and there was a chapter on a real branch of chr*stianity which is focused on JC's body and his suffering. idk how this immediately translated to the suffering of the planet and the earth but it did. maybe because i do enjoy environmental body horror (shout out to annihilation (2018) got to be one of my fav genres) and that tied w remembering the mix of death + nature in hannibal it all kinda came together

first chapter was mostly exploring chan + how he kinda just... accepts minho even though what he and the church do is undoubtedly fucked up, bc my fav kinda moral grey area is the 'how far are you willing to go for the ones you love' sorta stuff and whilst from a reader perspective the church is obviously a cult and doing bad, from a character POV, i think if you're in more of an easily persuadable mindset (or in love) it's easier to convince you things are ok, or even if they're not ok, that it's just something you can live alongside

my one (1) issue w chapter 1 was chan's slight lack of agency, which i couldn't think how to remedy (i didn't think there was anything else really to explore in that chapter), but it was really bugging me lol and then i had a super quiet day at work and it kinda just clicked whilst i was mindlessly staring at pencil cases that it would be interesting to see minho pov bc it could show the opposite: c1 = minho taking care of chan, c2 = seeing minho is clearly not All Ok and that chan takes care of him. i got it all out in 2 days and now i feel a lot better about the equality in the relationship LOL

anyway. back to the magnus archives. i figured i would just list the ones that tangentially could fit the cult, as i don't actually think there is one it could directly relate to? but there are a few aspects of some that do i think tie in.

THE BURIED: considering the church is mostly focused on giving back to the earth and the power of mother nature, i think this is honestly the best fit. there is lots of reference in the fic to burying, and i have no doubt they would also bury someone alive to further their ritual. the dirt is the main thing it links too though, less so the other aspects of the entity
a sprinkle of THE CORRUPTION with the bees. bees and probably earthworms. i think this is where they kinda merge together. i definitely think this could play a role though, bc really you gotta be a little fucked up to look at a human bee hive and think hm yes perfect
THE HUNT is another. i dont think minho is a part of this. i think the violence and the killing is just part of the job so to speak for him, but i could definitely see members of the church falling into the need to hunt for sacrifices to their cause.
hmm last thought i guess the church itself could also be tied to THE EXTINCTION.. maybe they are driven by fear of what the earth might do if they don't continue to respect it (whether that is natural earth destruction through natural disasters or man-made through war/pollution etc)

those are my thoughts!

*blows dust off this thing* hello. i haven’t used this acc for anything other than commenting on omg fic exchanges back in like 2016/17 as you might be able to tell by the username and icon, relics of the past which i am keeping for #memoriessake (seothsayers formerly known as umji, formerly known as a bts related user i would rather not dredge up from the depths of my memory) i know next to nothing about using dw so forgive me for my formatting here i am trying my best T_T but this is my emo fic fest commentary. enjoy!

ok so. lots of thoughts. as of writing this post it is 17/05, a few days after sign ups. i was watching live performances of i caught myself and it just got me thinking about the song and my writing process and i just wanted to make a note of how things change over the next few months… a little experiment to see if i can keep up with writing something like this/whether things change significantly

when i was looking at which paramore song to pick (because it was only, and would ever only be paramore), i was going between all we know is falling and brand new eyes… two of my favourite albums with a lot of my favourite songs. from all we know is falling i considered brighter, which is one of my fav pmore songs. ultimately i decided against it as the plot that came to mind was another apocalypse au and having already written three in the past six months, i don’t think i could it again lol. i have cycled through all the options and as much as i love these aus, i don’t think i could do another one justice without not infringing too much on the other apocalypse aus. all we know was falling was another contender but again, i decided against it.. no real au inspiration came to mind

then there is brand new eyes. my love. my sweet baby. the album that got me into paramore and forever will hold a special place in my heart. i literally have so many favourites on this album: careful, playing god, all i wanted (!!!!!!!!!!!) but again i was just reading the lyrics and wasn’t really feeling inspired.. i know i could come up with something after picking a song but i went through this with ggjb this year back in jan-march bc i abandoned my original idea and then scrambled to find something else bc i rlly wanted to write gg fic so. i didn’t want to do that again.

i then looked at the summer tic ep because it fit into the 1999-2010 category… bc it isn’t on any streaming service i rarely listen to it T_T but i think if i had listened to it as much as i have the other albums it might of been higher on the list

so. then we come to the twilight soundtrack LOL. decode was also a choice, also an excellent song but then i remembered her lesser known sister i caught myself and was like hmm….

and voila. instantly started thinking about a plot

first: i caught myself is a bit of a hidden gem. like it isn’t on an actual album so you would probably miss it unless you went looking for it. and it was only put on spotify like. this year??? the ending of the song is *chef’s kiss* i already knew i was writing for itzy, just because i want to write more girl group fic and fests like this are a good way to push through with that.

plot wise i was thinking about the fact it was written for twilight and the whole vampire/human scenario… i have written a lot of vampires and i also didn’t want to do a carbon copy of twilight lol so that was immediately ruled out. i don’t know why the image of fallen angels just popped into my head? i went back and forth between the idea of demon/angel, demon/fallen angel, fallen angel/angel and ultimately decided to go with the latter because it felt more applicable… demon/fallen angel i think would have been way more angstier and i know a song is purely inspiration, but fallen angel/angel fits the lyrics more imo. “you’re not the one i believe in, with God as my witness” just felt right with the idea

then i started looking more into the actual song itself… on the genius page it talks about how this song was written pre-twilight and i started second guessing myself a little plot wise just thinking about the lyrics but then i saw that on genius they had apparently said in a webcam that icm was 'about not being abe to decide between moving forward and going backward' which i felt that really resonated with the things i was planning… knowing ryujin before she fell v. knowing her now, chaer having to decide whether she wants to move forward with or without ryujin and what that would mean for her as an angel

fancam wise, i watched one from 2009, not long after the song was released and its so wild because they all look so young. hayley looks like a baby she would have been 21 which is younger than i am now which is wild!! this was when i got into paramore too… baby 11yo kim who discovered emo music through picking ignorance to have as the background music in my ‘house’ in this dolls dress up game LOL

then i watched a 2017 version from festivals towards the end of the AL tour and phew…. i have a lot to say about paramore and a fic bts isn’t the place for it but it definitely felt emotional to watch… knowing what was going on w the band and hayley but also where i was personally at that time and how AL was really an anchor from april 2017 onwards for me

record scratch - i stopped writing here and forgot all about this it is now 25/8 and reveals are like tomorrow and i just remembered and came back to see what i wrote and omg… i’m so glad i made these notes so. everything from this point on will be just me commenting on the final product.

title is touch, kiss, angel, sinner from now, now’s holy water (You touch me like an angel / But you kiss me like a sinner / Got me dying for a miracle / Baby step into the holy water) which i also felt fit the song so well… like perfectly imo. i love it

i have gotten so many lovely comments that have me screaming and that i am so so so grateful for.. i write without intention most of the time bc i am just Not That Smart when it comes to weaving themes in and stuff, but i have so many comments that made me ???!!!!,!,!;!:£282 about what they have gotten from it and it makes me so *.* like maybe sometimes i do have rights.

some fav lines/insights etc:

Black tar seeping from the open wounds as the angels were bound forever to their human forms, raised flesh and raucous cries. i put a lot of thought into this one can u tell lol
parallels between ryuj v chaer falling… the fact ryujin doesn’t cry out in pain but when chaer falls she feels just how much it hurts is just a testament to ryujin’s resolve
chaer visiting ryuj to me is like… the feeling of not being able to let go of something you’ve lost. curiosity and nostalgia that has you checking up on ex-friends (yes, this is a call out to myself) and seeing how they have moved on so why are you still holding on to the past???
a note: although they spend a lot of time in human form i had to put in biblically accurate angel references . i couldn’t not!!! something sexy about a big ball of divine aura and eyes i think
chaeryeong slowly falling from grace.. ryujin constantly nudging her to be like ‘are you sure this is what you want’. i don’t think they were anything other than ~friends~ (as described in the fic) which is why ryuj is like. yo why are you doing this for me specifically. whereas chaeryeong is just having her eyes (lol) opened to this whole other life which she never conceived of despite her being curious about humans she never had anyone close enough to her fall to seriously care about human life past that
the back and forth in ryujin’s apartment… a bit of ryuryeong bickering™ but also like. chaeryeong being defensive of her choice and ryujin pushing her as to why

[quick interlude to say i got so distracted writing this i burnt the bread rolls i was having with my dinner… F]

“You don’t know anything about me” / “Oh Chaeryeong. I know you best of all.”
Ryujin calling Chaeryeong angel… I twted about this but I made myself laugh in my DCF fic by having Ryujin call Chaeryeong angel there too.. just sprinkled in a little easter egg for my own sake
“No-one is watching” / “Someone is always watching”
“You know I’ll be there to catch you when you fall.” is so !!! bc… not literally but like emotionally. bc ryujin sees it coming even if chaeryeong is purposefully being ignorant to the fact she is straying from her duties… chaer saying she has made her choice but has she really? more like she is just acting without fully understanding the consequences (or even if she does, she doesn’t want to face that falling will happen)
the going out scene was just like. needed. i needed a change of scenery and a place where they would be close enough to almost kiss or just Close, closer than sitting together on a sofa… also its just fun to imagine chaeryeong on a night out as an angel like she’s watched these human’s evolve and go about their life and now she is partaking in it.. definitely the Event that triggers the beginning of the end (but also, maybe the end of the beginning of the end, bc arguably, her first mistake was watching ryujin)
reading it back and seeing Ryujin wraps an arm around Chaeryeong’s waist and holds her close as the crowd grows busier. “Wouldn’t want to lose you” ... omg… double meaning alert i didn’t even realise when i wrote it
ryujin trying to protect them both by telling chaer not to come back like. for her own heart but also to stop chaeryeong from falling off course any more than she already has
chaeryeong accepting her fate (and accepting her feelings)

the ending is ~ambigious~ bc whilst i feel like chaeryeong could have just walked straight to ryujin idk i don’t think it’s satisfying. instead, her taking time to reflect, her acknowledging ryujin doesn’t want to see her anymore - but then they meet and ryujin is instantly There bc ryujin understands she has fallen and said she would be there to catch her. i don’t think ryujin would be mad chaeryeong hadn’t come to her sooner, i think she would understand.

“Hey angel.” / “That isn’t me anymore. I’m just Chaeryeong now.” / “Chaeryeong then... Welcome home.” <3

also the big question is it inevitable they would fall. i think so... no-one’s able to be perfect and i think the same standard can be held for the angels in this au... angels living for a millennia only to eventually fall and new angels being made and the cycle continues

idk i’m really proud of this, especially after the response… i think i need to stop underestimating how my gg fic will be received bc i feel so much more rewarded after comments on it than bg fic lol. i think my gg fic this year is the best i’ve written! it’s all angsty though i’m sorry ryuryeong for doing you like this

anyway yes. these are my exceptionally long thoughts. if you actually read this then wow.. thanks. i think it’s funny how my initial thoughts back in may did not really change much like i was so focused on this particular verse: You got it, you got it / Some kind of magic / Hypnotic, hypnotic / You're leaving me breathless / I hate this, I hate this / You're not the one I believe in / With God as my witness; and i think i tackled it pretty well, not to toot my own horn or anything.

will i write anything on here ever again? idk. i just had a lot of thoughts for this one and wanted to get them out.